Emotions in Early Childhood: How to Listen to What Is Unspoken

By: Somaya Noor eddin Yousef

In the early years of a child’s life, expressing emotions is not an easy task. A child may cry when feeling afraid, get angry without an obvious reason, or withdraw silently when feeling upset inside. Here, the mother’s role becomes crucial in noticing these signs, helping her child name, understand, and express their emotions in a healthy way.

But how can a mother open the door to emotional communication with her child? When should silence be a cause for concern? And how do we raise our children to be emotionally aware from an early age?

In this interview, we meet with Dr. Dalia Hesham Sabaa’i, a child psychiatrist, to discuss the proper methods of supporting a child psychologically and emotionally and understanding the language of their hidden feelings.

Why is physical contact between a mother and her newborn in the early days after birth considered a fundamental element in building a secure and emotional bond between them?

After birth, physical contact and cuddling become critically important due to their role in stimulating the release of a hormone known as oxytocin. This hormone is naturally produced in all humans, but its significance is especially heightened for both the mother and the child during this sensitive period. For this reason, it is recommended that the newborn be placed — completely undressed — on the mother’s chest immediately after delivery. This direct skin-to-skin contact not only fosters emotional bonding between them but also stimulates the release of oxytocin, which in turn helps with milk production. The more the baby breastfeeds, the more milk is produced, further strengthening the emotional connection between mother and child. This highlights the importance of raising awareness within the family about the role of physical touch in the first weeks of a baby’s life, as it plays a vital part in enhancing what is known as emotional attachment or “attachment”

What is meant by ‘attachment’ between a child and a caregiver, what are its types, and how do these patterns form during the early years of a child’s life?

Between any two people—regardless of the nature of their relationship—a form of emotional connection known as “attachment” is formed. This attachment has different types, the most notable of which is “secure attachment”, while the insecure types include “anxious”, “avoidant”, and “disorganized” attachments. Secure attachment means that one party—typically the mother—consistently responds to the needs of the other, such as the child. For example, when an infant cries, the mother responds by holding the baby, checking whether they are hungry or thirsty, changing their diaper, or offering breastfeeding. This consistent response makes the child feel safe, creating a healthy and secure bond. This pattern of attachment doesn’t end in infancy—it continues to grow. For instance, when the child gets a bit older and falls, and the mother comforts them, or when they complain about something and she helps solve the problem, the child develops a strong belief: ‘When I need her, she is there.’ In “insecure attachment” styles, the dynamic is different. In “anxious attachment”, for example, the mother is sometimes available and sometimes not. This inconsistency leaves the child feeling unsure and anxious—unable to predict whether their needs will be met. As a result, the child clings tightly to the mother when she is around, feeling constantly insecure and emotionally unstable. In “avoidant attachment”, the child experiences repeated emotional pain due to the caregiver’s absence or neglect of their needs. Over time, the child learns to suppress their emotions to avoid that pain. Instead of seeking closeness, they begin to distance themselves emotionally. This response usually develops within the first three years of life and later influences all of the person’s future relationships. The individual grows up constantly questioning: ‘Will this person be there for me? Will my needs be met?’ As a result, they often suppress their feelings and emotional needs rather than risk being hurt.

How does a mother’s awareness of her own needs and fears affect her ability to meet her child’s psychological needs and provide a safe environment for growth and exploration?

When a mother is self-aware and conscious of her own needs, she becomes capable of distinguishing between what she needs and what her child needs in various situations. For example, if the mother is psychologically balanced and aware of herself, she will not feel the need to force her two- or three-year-old child to be perfect in activities like gymnastics, as this would be her own desire, not the child’s actual need. Another example is when a mother is constantly present with the child and does not allow him the opportunity to explore the world around him, always confining him out of fear of losing him. This fear originates from the mother herself, not the child. Such deprivation prevents the child from naturally exploring his life and environment, which is essential for his psychological and social development. Therefore, a mother’s awareness of her own needs and insecurities leads to her being a secure base for the child, able to contain his emotions and true needs. At this stage, the child needs space to go out and explore, not to be confined due to the mother’s fear of loss. This fear is the mother’s, not the child’s, and it can manifest in many other ways. When the mother understands and acknowledges her needs and fears, she can manage them without negatively affecting her child’s life or hindering his growth and freedom to explore.

What is the importance of responding promptly to a baby’s needs when they cry in supporting their psychological and emotional development during the early stages of life?

At the beginning of the Industrial Revolution in England and spreading to other parts of the world, some beliefs emerged advocating that a baby should be left to cry without immediate response, such as the idea that one should not always go to the baby or hold them every time they cry. Unfortunately, this culture spread widely and is entirely mistaken. When a baby cries, it is expressing a need—whether hunger, thirst, the need for comfort and holding, or because something has caused distress and anxiety. The baby requires reassurance. Therefore, the idea of leaving a baby to cry without meeting their needs is fundamentally wrong and is not related to any specific social class, as this notion has spread across many societies. The correct approach is that especially in the early stages, the baby needs immediate responsiveness to their cries. Caregivers should identify the baby’s needs and fulfill them. This response is what builds the secure attachment we discussed earlier.

What strategies can help a mother support her child in verbally expressing their emotions?

There is a concept called emotional regulation, which unfortunately is not widespread despite being a very important skill. Emotional regulation means: “What am I feeling now? How can I express it? And how can I meet this need?” A mother’s ability to understand herself and express her needs and feelings is enough to start teaching this to her child. For example, if a mother is aware that she feels stressed because she lost something, she recognizes her stress and, as a self-aware mother, she might resort to calming exercises like breathing techniques. The child observes this behavior since children mainly learn through imitation. So, when the child sees the mother getting stressed, instead of reacting aggressively, she sits down, takes a breath, tries to calm down, and then looks for the lost item or solves the problem. Children learn many things this way. So, the mother’s ability to regulate her emotions helps the child learn to do the same. For example, if the child comes crying because another child hit them while playing, the mother should get down to the child’s level, maintain eye contact, and ask how the child is feeling. Sometimes the child cannot describe their feelings, so the mother helps by offering words from her own vocabulary. She might say, “Are you feeling sad? It’s like when your favorite toy was lost.” This helps the child associate and name the feeling. Naming the emotion is the first step, followed by validating it—telling the child that the situation was difficult and that their feelings are understood and justified. The next step is deciding how to handle what happened, which depends on the situation and the mother’s wisdom. For example, if something was lost, they might look for it together or find a replacement. If the child was hurt, they might cry for a while and then move on. The mother’s ability to manage her own emotions first is crucial to help her manage the child’s feelings effectively. Also, it’s very important to use simple terms such as “I’m sad” or “I’m happy,” avoiding complex words the child won’t understand.

What is the importance of play and stories in helping a child understand their own emotions and the emotions of others?

Generally, children learn primarily through play and stories. This is why one of the harshest things in modern times is forcing children to enter daycare early and making them sit for long periods at desks without playing or exploring, which goes against their natural tendency to play and discover. The concept of play allows us to teach children various principles and concepts in an enjoyable way. For example, math can be taught through play, and colors and shapes can be introduced through drawing and coloring. This approach can also be applied to emotions. For instance, we can have a child draw a circle with a happy face and ask, “What is this?” The child might say, “Happy.” Then we ask, “What things or situations make you feel happy like this?” We encourage the child to describe how they felt in that particular situation. If there is another situation where the child felt sad, we can ask, “Why were you sad?” We might also tell the child a story where the character felt happy or sad, then ask the child about their feelings towards the story, saying, “Tell me what made you happy or sad in this story?” The idea is to take play and simplify it according to the child’s age level, as each developmental stage has appropriate games and activities that help the child learn and express their emotions.

How can parents recognize the way their child expresses emotions, and distinguish between natural personality traits and signs that may indicate anxiety or difficulty in communication?

In general, children do express their emotions, but each child has a preferred way of expressing themselves. For example, some children are verbally expressive and can articulate their feelings well, while others may prefer to draw or write. Some children express emotions through physical gestures, like hugging. Interestingly, the five love languages that we talk about in adults also apply to children: physical touch, acts of service, quality time, giving gifts, and words of affirmation. So, a child might show love or emotion by sitting close, giving a toy to someone they love, or doing something kind for their parent. Just like adults, some children don’t like to talk much or aren’t comfortable with physical touch. There are also children who tend to be more independent or stubborn, and these traits influence how they express emotions. Another important point relates to personality traits. Some children are naturally introverted. They may not easily connect with new people, and even when they form bonds, they might not use many words to express their emotions. That’s not necessarily a problem—it could simply be their personality. The issue arises only when a child is unable to engage socially or refuses to go to school altogether. An introverted child usually does engage with others, just with a smaller circle or at their own pace. For example, at a gathering, they might sit alone for a while before joining other kids to play. It’s as if they are “recharging” before connecting. This is perfectly normal. So how can we tell the difference between this and a child who may be anxious or emotionally withdrawn? A child experiencing anxiety might want to engage but feel scared or tense. Perhaps they were raised in a highly critical environment, so they fear being judged or making mistakes. These are the kinds of details we need to look at more deeply to properly assess the child’s situation and determine the right approach.

What is the impact of parents’ and caregivers’ reactions and responses to a child’s emotions and behaviors on shaping their self-confidence and self-image?

A child’s primary environment consists of the home and school, but the home—especially parents, siblings, and close caregivers—plays a crucial role in shaping the child’s self-confidence. The way these individuals respond to the child’s emotions and needs significantly affects how the child sees himself. For example, when a child draws a picture and proudly shows it to their mother, her reaction matters deeply. If she ignores it, responds coldly, or criticizes the drawing by calling it “bad,” this can harm the child’s sense of self-worth. In homes where parents are overly critical and rarely give praise or attention to the child’s strengths, the child starts to internalize a negative self-image. Instead of highlighting what the child does well, the focus is constantly on what they’re not doing or what is seen as a shortcoming, which may not even be a real flaw but rather a mismatch with unrealistic expectations. Children learn to see themselves the way their parents see them. If a mother sees her child as capable and good, the child will believe that about himself. But if she constantly sees flaws, the child will adopt that image because, in early years, children trust their parents’ views more than their own. This is why encouragement and positive reinforcement are essential—not fake praise, but real recognition of each child’s strengths. All children have something special about them. A parent can support this by, for example, hanging up the child’s drawings, clapping when they learn something new, or celebrating small achievements. On the other hand, constantly pointing out a child’s weaknesses—especially when those “flaws” are just age-appropriate behaviors or unrealistic expectations—can crush their confidence. Some parents expect a five- or six-year-old to be top of the class, play multiple sports, and excel in everything, which is simply not reasonable. When the child inevitably falls short of these expectations, he may feel like a failure. Another harmful practice is comparison. Telling a child, “Why aren’t you like your brother?” or “Your cousin is smarter than you,” only weakens their self-esteem. As we’ve said, a child’s confidence comes mainly from how their parents treat and view them. Also important are the parents’ reactions to mistakes. If a child drops a cup, does the parent shout, “You’re careless and stupid,” or do they calmly say, “It’s okay, let’s clean this up together”? Describing the situation (a cup fell) instead of labeling the child (you’re clumsy) helps the child understand that mistakes happen and do not define who they are. How a parent handles such moments deeply shapes the child’s self-image.